BA (Hons), MA (Dist), MBACP
I am a Relate trained Counsellor and a Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
I work with individuals, couples and families to help them overcome some of the relationship difficulties that we all might experience from time to time.
With couples, these difficulties can include rebuilding trust in a relationship, perhaps after an affair or other significant event. Or we might explore why we might feel 'less-connected' to someone we are close to and work to restore and improve that 'connection'.
Alternatively, we may be unsure about the future of the relationship and want some time & space to explore how we feel, in an environment that feels safe and accepting of what we need to say.
Often, working on how we communicate and what we want to communicate, can make a big difference to a couple, or family relationship.
Sometimes life events - like bereavement, physical, or mental illness can have a profound impact on our relationships with those we are close to, as well as on us as individuals. I can work with you to explore these, and other relationship difficulties and help you find a way forward.
Family relationships can also be very complex and just not work in the way we would like.I can work with you, and members of your family if you wish, to find a way forward.
When people first enquire about counselling, they often have a number of questions.
I have tried to answer some commonly asked questions below - if you have questions that aren't covered in this section, feel free to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org or send me a message using the form on the 'Contact' page of this site.
Well, if you Google it, you might find this; "The provision of professional assistance and guidance in resolving personal or psychological problems."
Helpful eh? - Well, maybe to a point! Briefly, my view of counselling is as follows...
Firstly, I guess, counselling is about talking through problems, issues, or difficulties, with a qualified person - a counsellor. Their training should mean that a conversation with them is very different to a chat with a friend, or family member.
For example, it is pretty common for friends & family members to offer advice - that's pretty unusual for a counsellor!
Also, friends & family will often make a judgement about what they think you ought to do - again, it's unlikely a counsellor will make that sort of judgement at all. Instead, counsellors often talk about being 'non-judgemental' - an idea that they would not be critical, or judgemental, about what you have said, or done, or thought.
Secondly, counselling should be confidential. Family & friends might well talk to other people about conversations that they have with you. Generally speaking a counsellor will keep private the things that are said to them & their 'confidentiality' is something that they will probably discuss with you at your first meeting.
Thirdly, counselling should aim to help you deal with whatever issues or problems you feel you have. It isn't a 'quick fix' - it may take some time, but it should make a difference.
I charge £70 a session for couples and families, £50 a session for individuals.
A session lasts for 50-60 minutes - about an hour.
Well, there's certainly a lot of choice!
If you've found your way here, you've probably searched for counsellors in your local area & have realised there's quite a few!
Selecting the 'right one' might look quite daunting. My suggestion would be to consider first, what do you want counselling to help with - then find a counsellor who works with the issues or problems that you would like help wth.
After that, it is probably worth looking to see what professional organisation they belong to - there are a quite a few, although the BACP (British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy) is probably the largest in the UK.
I would see membership of a professional organisation as important because each organisation has its own set of rules & guidelines that members have to keep to.
In my view, counselling is a largely unregulated profession & professional organisations often do their best to regulate their members & ensure that they have an ethical practice.
I think the first difference is that the vast majority of counsellors seem to train initially to work with individuals.
Some may then do additional training to work with couples.
My approach is different because my counselling practice, right from the beginning, has been to focus on working with couples and families.
I still work with individuals, but what is different about my counselling is that I specialise in couple and family work.
I think the second difference is in the way that I work with people. A lot of counsellors focus on what's going on 'inside' people - what they're thinking and feeling. This is often a valuable approach & I add to this by helping people consider the impact this has on their relationships with others - my focus is not solely on how we think & feel, but also on how this impacts on our relationships.
My particular focus with clients is helping them resolve difficulties with some of the relationships they have with others.
Those relationships can be with a husband, wife or partner - or with a family member, a parent, a child, a sibling. Some of the difficulties people experience in relationships can be to do with affairs, bereavement, parenting of children, communication, the impact of social media, or use of pornography - it's a pretty wide range of things!
This is a very frequently asked question - and a very important one! It's also extremely tricky to answer!
I often work within a model of counselling that suggests most people might need between 6 - 8 sessions. Having said that, I can work with clients for fewer sessions than that - or more. Ultimately, the number of sessions, or how long you need counselling for, is very much down to you. This isn't like a gym, or mobile phone contract, that might tie you in for 12 or 18 months - you remain very much in charge of how many counselling sessions you have.
Sometimes people can find that they talk about, or hear, some upsetting things in counselling sessions.
If that happens, generally speaking, counsellors are trained to deal with people becoming upset & it can often often lead to some useful realisations for the counsellor and the client.
Outside, in the 'real world' people often find it hard to know what to do when we're upset - a good counsellor shouldn't have that problem!
Well, if you've got this far, you're probably wondering what to do next?
I'd offer a few suggestions;
First of all, consider getting in touch with me to have an initial chat - it's free & I'm very happy to spend a bit of time talking with you so we can discuss what you are looking for & how I might help.
If we feel you may prefer a different counsellor, I'm more than happy to recommend a colleague who could work with you.
You can get my contact details from the 'Contact' page on this site: I'm happy to receive an email, text or phonecall from you.
If you call me, you will probably get my voicemail - I'm likely to be in a Counselling session & I won't be answering my phone!
If you leave me a voicemail message, I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Alternatively you can use the "Email Phil" button at the top of this section - leave me your details & again I'll get back to you.
Secondly, you might be sure you want to book an initial session with me - that's fine, again, you can do that by email, over the phone or by text.
My fees are £50 a session for Individual appointments, £70 a session for Couple or Family appointments, I accept payment by card, cheques, BACS transfer, or cash.
Phil Tanner Counselling,
39c Station Road, Holmfirth, HD9 1AB
Telephone: 07783 969904